Book review on Tuesdays with Morrie

訓導文憑，其中一份功課: 閱書報告

當時，可選修部份輔導courses. 這份就是輔導課程Enquiry into Self and Personal Development

的功課

不會也不想翻譯做中文

English is the language that I turn to whenever I want to express my mind and feelings freely. 

Reading this again has left me with mixed feelings.

Things have changed and are forever changing. 

Dad passed away. Tony betrayed me and got married with Carol who had his baby. 

I've quitted my permanent teaching post at secondary school.

I was simple-minded and felt torn between dad and Tony. I was naive enough to believe that making peace with dad would cause me more harm than good. But damn it, he passed away 3 years after I had completed the course. 

And I still have neither kids nor a stable job. No steady relationship or income. I might consider myself a loser if everything remained the same.

But life has to go on. I'm glad Muimui has always stayed with me throughout ups and downs.

Sometimes, if you take a few steps backward and view the troubles from another perspective, imagining how you'd see them after 5 or even 10 years, I bet you'll take another approach.

My Second Lesson with Morrie

By 傻貓 (All copyrights reserved)

  

This is the second time I have read this book. Last time when I read it, I had just broken up with my boyfriend. And this book is about love. It reminded me, “Don’t let go too soon, but don’t hang on too long.” Reading this, I was like being waken in a nightmare. I stopped making endless phone calls and sending him SMS. I began to take some courses and do more sports; make more friends and reconnected with the friends whom I’ve forgotten since I started dating. Looking back, perhaps I already understood beneath my heart that puppy love never lasted long and that guy wasn’t my Mr. Right. And most importantly, I knew I couldn’t hang on a relationship which had faded.

           

And this book has become my must-read again when it appeared in the recommended book list of this course about self-development. It is an inspirational book that would make us stop for a while, feel our surroundings and examine our lives. In fact, it has left me a lot of questions: am I doing what I want? Am I the person that I want to be? Why am I here in this situation? Am I happy with the life that I’m leading? Have I got what I desired most? Have I been fully present with my family, friends and students? If death is around the corner, can I face it with no fear, just like Morrie did?

 

Suffering from ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis), a fatal disease that gradually tortures one to death in several years, Morrie didn’t waste time on mourning or regretting. He spent his last days with his student Mitch Albom to write their last thesis, the thesis of life and death. Reading this dying professor’s last words about life is like hearing your most respectful one giving you some advice, some advice that you can count on whenever you are at crossroads.

 

This book is about relationships: family, love, marriage and forgiveness. Family is an important issue. I have got married for one year so far and often feel like being torn between my dad and my husband. Morrie’s remark was inspiring. “If you don’t have the support and love and caring and concern that you get from a family, you don’t have much at all.” Without love and our beloved ones, our family is no family. For me, the root of problems is money. My dad wants me to keep paying the mortgage loans and support their living, while my husband and I are struggling with our rent and heavy workload. Dad has been furious and refused to talk with me since he knew I decided to get married and was ready to move out.

 

Honestly, I was flooded with negative feelings. I was confused, frustrated and depressed. I felt confused since I couldn’t believe my dad would be so self-oriented that he chose to sacrifice his daughter’s happiness for his own dream. I understand it’s always his dream to possess a property but that’s his dream, not mine. I only want to have somebody who cares me when I’m home after a tiring day. I want to be encouraged and supported by someone who loves me when I am in need. And I want to know my work for the family is appreciated. Yet all these are merely dreams.

After my graduation at university, dad would only talk with me when he needs money. He is always asking for more money, and a bigger house. It seems to me that he never feels content with his life and everyone around him. Several times, I really wanted to tell him, “Money isn’t everything.” As Morrie put it, “Money is not a substitute for tenderness.” As a family, we should spend more time on something more meaningful. Let’s say, chat with each other, understand each other and show our concern to our beloved ones.

 

Yet dad insisted on buying a flat. He said he would not stay at peace without owning a flat, despite the fact that he has already retired and I was a fresh university graduate. In order to help him make his dream come true, I’ve worked like there's no tomorrow and had part-time jobs after school to pay the mortgage loan. We had our first flat in year 2000, the first year after my graduation at the university. Money, however, cannot bring me much happiness. This flat has become the source of our endless quarrels. Sometimes, I would feel sorry and frustrated for myself spending so much time and effort on the wrong things. I would also blame myself for not being capable of improving their living standard, such as buying a house big enough for three couples, namely: my parents, my sister and her husband, me and my husband. I thought money is a medium to show him my love and concern. But I guess if I had spent more time with my family, perhaps he would have understood me better and there might have been fewer conflicts.

 

What’s more, dad’s disapproval to my marriage and my decision to move out made me feel very depressed. As Mitch said, Morrie was the father everyone wishes they had. Even at the last stage of his life, Morrie told everyone he knew to carry on with the life they knew and not to ruin it because he was dying. He was so caring and considerate even when he needed constant care as he couldn’t even move his hand without help. That’s probably the reason I have fallen for Morrie. Compared to him, my dad was awkwardly self-oriented. I was so depressed having such a dad.

 

Tired of endless quarrels and tears, I’ve once sworn that I would never give birth to a baby. Why should we bring a living organism to earth and let it suffer? Here Morrie shared, “There is no experience like having children. If you want the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being, and to learn how to love and bond in the deepest way, then you should have children.” Many may assume Morrie had a sweet family which nurtured him to be such a passionate and optimistic person. Indeed, Morrie has a caring wife and two lovely sons. But what gets to me is he also had a dad who always created murky atmosphere at home.

 

Instead of turning into a dad like his own, Morrie decided to make a change. He didn’t want to have any regrets when he had to say goodbye to the world. That’s why he believed in being fully present. At Morrie’s home, there were lots of holding and kissing and talking and laughter and no good-byes left unsaid. Holding these beliefs, Morrie even held a living funeral for himself so that he could hear all the heartfelt words from his beloved ones. Morrie successfully demonstrated that history doesn’t often repeat itself. We can definitely make a difference, as long as we are determined enough.

 

Thanks to Morrie. He reminded me to focus on the things that I have, instead of what I haven’t. I am fortunate enough to have a caring husband who always puts me as his first priority. Now my husband and I have formed our own family. We have also planned to have our own babies. We are ready to turn a new leaf of our life. These should be the reasons for me to feel happy. I always believe one can face whatever challenges with courage provided that he knows there is always someone who would be watching out for him. Despite this, the poor relationship with my dad still makes me feel terrible.

 

To release myself, I understand very well that I should learn how to accept and forgive. I should try to look at things from his view. However, it is far from an easy task. In spite of being a wise professor, Morrie was just an ordinary human. He shared with us his pain for not forgiving his friend in time. He felt so sad when his friend died of cancer. I certainly do not want to find myself in such a pain.

 

I agree it is essential to make peace with ourselves and the people around us. I understand very well that my dad is now at his sixties. I know he lacks security and wants to get hold of something with value. I don’t want this cold war to last till his or my death. But it’s hard to forgive.

 

I’ve spent more than nine years to realize his dream. I first bought him a flat which doubled the size of our original flat in a public housing estate. Then he asked for a flat with sea views. I worked really hard, day and night, to make his dream come true. And then, he asked me not to get married since he was afraid that nobody would pay the mortgage loan. He blamed me for being selfish and irresponsible. He even asked my mom to sleep under the table in the living room so that we might share a room in this flat and stay here.

 

As I mentioned at the beginning of this book review, Tuesdays with Morrie is not the typical problem-solutions. Morrie hasn’t taught me how to forgive. Forgiveness is a lesson that I should learn on my own. Perhaps when the time comes, we two may shake hands again. But this day is so far away that it is hard to see. And I’m tired of satisfying his endless desires. To be honest, I reckon it would only do me more harm than good to make peace with dad.

 

One thing Morrie impressed me most is how he lived with love and passion. He believed, “Love each other, or perish.” Love is panacea. He taught us to love others with our soul, to care for them and concern about them. This would make our life more meaningful. Once we are surrounded by those who love us and care us, we would find happiness. When you find your beloved ones, you would see things in their perspectives and try to understand their situation. I particularly love Morrie’s saying, “The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.” I hope I can also make a difference so that our baby would be brought up in a family full of love, understanding and appreciation.

 

(1749 words)

 (All copyrights reserved)